Day #140: Sometimes Frozen Yogurt is a Spiritual Experience

She placed her hand in mine as we walked from her school to the truck, “Are we going to Goody’s?”

“Of course,” I smile, “It’s play practice day.”

Sometimes routines are nice, I think, especially ones that include frozen yogurt! But honestly, it all felt so good…the familiarity of this afternoon.

We went to the gym after dropping her off, and cross trained. I did a newer elliptical machine for 45 minutes. It was different, so different, from running. I had no pressure on my knees, my shins didn’t feel like they were on fire, and my lungs were operating with the wheeze breathing that often accompanies me on a run. And I giggled to myself as I realized, “Different is okay too.”

Life really is an oxymoron. Just when you think you have it all figured out, a curve ball comes and you haven’t a clue what to do with it! Sometimes it curves toward you, hits you square in the shin, and hurts like hell. Other times, you swing at it anyway, make a solid connection, and knock it out of the park. The aliveness comes in the breath in between the knowing…the dash where hope clashes with reality and we hide our face but peek between our fingers, because in all honesty…we need to know what happens when our familiar grinds against the unknown…it is both thrilling and terrifying–but it’s all the business of living…

“Close Up Strawberry Ice Cream” by rakratchada torsap via http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Day #139: Adulthood is Hard on Friendship

Today I rested and relaxed with a friend. A friend who has been around for a while. Who knows my stories and the emotions that guard them. Who makes me laugh and has heard me cry. Who is honest and in turn I can also be authentically me…without apology.

As we caught up tonight…I glowed inwardly with pleasure of her company…the sweet reminder of friendship…

The evening was perfect, the breeze soothing, and Love was planting flowers and interjecting his own comedies and tragedies…

It was so nice. *sigh*

Why are friendships so hard to maintain as an adult?

Because at 8:01 I became a pumpkin. Little love came home and we had pjs and snacks and bedtime routines before school and work in the morning.

But I savor the moments porch sitting with two of the bestest best friends I have ever had…until next time

Day #138: Strength is Beauty and Sometimes Your Legs Fall Off

Today we ran five miles…a maintenance run at this point in our training…I huffed and puffed a little…had some water…and cranked it out in about an hour…like its no big deal…

Little love got a new bike today. Her old bike was WAY too small and so let her pick out a new one for Easter. She was SO excited and wanted to immediately ride it to Mimi’s house to show it off.

Oh how she struggled…up the hills was hard, steering was “iffy”, and I about had a heart attach every time she almost didn’t stop. She was a little discouraged and a lot tired by the time we got back home.

I reminded her…”remember when Craigy and I first started running?” She nodded her head, “I could barely go a mile without feeling like my legs were going to fall off!” She giggled a little, “But now we can run 12 miles without stopping!” She looked at me like ‘Get to the point, lady.’ “You practice riding your bike like we practice running and you will be going all over in no time!”

Later, I hear her reporting to her Craigy, “I just have to practice so I can get strong legs.”

And that, dear friends, is why I run, why strength is beauty, and health is vibrant…because I have one little human that sees all that I do and trusts that it is good enough for her too…

Day #137: I See Hope All Around

Easter…holds so much hope for some…and for me as well…just differently…

Where some find hope in a man god who saved them…

I see hope all around in the certainty of life springing from the decay of winter…I see certainty in the promise of ordered seasons…I find comfort in the gentle life and death cycle all around that is the circle of life…

Nothing here needs saving…or defies laws…or is fantastical in story…it is simply doing what it does…

It’s birthing…
It’s blooming…
It’s growing…and alive…

I took a walk with little love and came across a small tree that bloomed completely white on one side and completely purple on the other…it reminded of the yin and yang of energy…and because my mind was already there…it reminded of death plays into life plays into death once more…and really, who gets to decide which is better?

They both serve a purpose and are necessary all across nature and science…
So today I celebrate life, too…the order of it…the purpose in it…and the beauty all around…
Maybe it is not as profound as my old Easters with a risen king and a golden heaven…
But I can see it and touch it and taste it…and that is all I need...

“Rabbit And Easter Eggs In Green Grass” by jannoon028 courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Day #136: Always Know How to Find Your Way Home

I left him, my ex-husband. And while on the by-and-large it has been an incredible and beautiful journey of finding myself the last few years, occasionally I mourn the simplicity of yonder days.

Holidays generally bring that out in me…especially the ones without her.

It’s Easter weekend; the holiday itself has changed for me as my perspective has changed in life. But still…I didn’t buy an Easter basket or die eggs or even get any candy this year…it feels weird. I’m not really sad or angry or hurt…it just feels off…

And so these are the quiet moments I observe the inherent difficulties of divorce with child…

But I think we all have these choices we have made…self-doubts…”what ifs”…that float around in our hearts and occasionally make it to our brains…to fester and pester our best versions of ourselves…

I ran mine off today while I ran around the track…ten miles later I was able to re-frame my “I feel sad to not share this day with her” to “I’m thankful for the many days I do share with her”…for a holiday is really just a day dressed up

I held my Mama’s hand today and told her to art it out as she worried over insecurities and unrealized dreams…

We all have the “demons” who love to come play…I think it is our obligation to our self to first know our true self and secondly know where to find yourself again…for me it’s often outside and active…for my mom it is often birthed on a canvas…

Whatever it takes, gentle readers, I urge you…be comfortable and familiar in your own soul and always know how to find your way home…

“House On The Lake” by Evgeni Dinev courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Tonight, We Play!

Today we decided to take an unscheduled rest day…from every thing…

When you start the weekend by dreading Sunday because you know there is no possible way you can get everything done…it’s time to drop everything and go on a date…

Dinner and a movie was definitely called for in this Friday of too much life. Because if I’ve learned anything from my previous life, it was to stop taking life so serious…

It can all wait till tomorrow…tonight I’ve got plans to play!

Image courtesy of digitalart at freedigitalphotos.net