Woman in blue with hat pulled down over eyes and a sly smile.

Day 119: Sometimes the Inner Voice is a Bitch


It’s Wednesday and I have a big weekend ahead. We are leaving tomorrow after school for Little Rock. Which means I need to get things washed and packed and bought and organized and and and…

So I went running instead. It was again cold and wet so we went to the gym. I started on the treadmill but immediately felt my calf muscles knot. I tried running through it but a mile in I was still in a lot of pain so I hopped on the track. I hobbled through the next mile but eventually the pain subsided to a dull ache. But today I figured out something very exciting, I can listen to audible books when I run!

I’m a book nerd at heart so it as beautiful to get immersed in a story (actually a rather funny memoir) while I did my laps.

She talked in the book about the demon who comes to live with us all at some point. You know that says you are never enough, you are too much of something, or you will fail…

It made me wonder when that voice started for me…I control that voice pretty well and have for as long as I can remember not because I’m awesome but because I find self-loathing unproductive. I’m rather type-A, so most things require a logical, concrete outcome for me to be too interested. But occasionally I indulge in my own inner critic. It usually sounds something like “You should eat healthier, live with less of a foot print, be a better mother.” “You could be a better therapist, spend your money wiser, be skinnier.”

Oh the list that never ends…

But really, then what, would it ever be enough for this world? This voice in my head? My own expectations? Probably not…nodefinitely not.

So again I find my self left with only me, with only this moment…six miles strong and one silly secret smile…

Woman in blue with hat pulled down over eyes and a sly smile.Blonde-colored dog curled up sleeping in a deck chair.


Published by

Rachel Olienyk

I'm mother, wife, and worker but most important human. I have accepted a challenge to "take a walk" everyday for one year. My goal is in giving space to mindfulness I will create intentional living. I've decided to share my journey through blogging. Be it peace, be it inspiration, be it annoyance, I hope you feel as you read and in feeling may growth transpire. Namaste my gentle readers...