Today I felt like I spent a lot of time avoiding the grasp of anticipation. There are a couple of opportunities that have come up that I “think” would be ideal. But I am uncertain if I will even get the chance to make my case as the best candidate. In neither of the situations do I feel much control. But I desire them both greatly.
Isn’t it funny how we can be so convinced of the idea of something that we have not yet even known.
And so I am fighting attachment, dear readers, attachment to an idea about how I want things to be. Furthermore, that smells a whole lot like expectation and that seems to breed rigidity.
I walked after dark with my Love, hand-in-hand. He directed our walk and I gladly accepted his guidance. I felt a little lost and overwhelmed from the pull of the tide today. We walked slowly and quietly as I worked to still my inner turmoil and tornado of thoughts. I centered on his hand in mine, the sound of my feet hitting pavement, and the cold on my nose.
I became grounded in the tangible, the real, the present.
And in those moments, I was able to truly let go of all that I cannot control and just be my present self, wholly.
It felt good; it felt right.
And I became calm and flexible again.
Sure we have ideas and goals and hopes and wishes. But I will not become attached to how they will happen.
“Now they’re blue,” he says beside me.
The lights at a particular house. They change regularly and it’s always fun to see what’s going to happen next.
“I like the way this guy rolls,” my Love continues.
Me too … may I always see the thrill in the lights that lead the way and may I always know the joy in the unexpected changing.