Today I was asked to help start a group.
A good and helpful endeavor with pleasant people that would benefit a number of others. And I cringed inside. This project is much like two other projects I helped with in my twenties. They ate me alive both times. They were all-consuming and always took more than I wanted to give… more money, more time, more resources. But I was devoted and it was for the good of all. Except for the good of me–but really, who’s counting.
As I walked today I felt stressed. I had just spent six hours cleaning the living room… one room!! I had so many more things to check off. The rest of the house needs to shine, work and grades will not get done without me, I have lists to make (elf on the shelf, Grinchmas Party next weekend, groceries for the week), and then there is the putting-away of Thanksgiving and the beauty of Christmas to display.
I walked hunched with mind racing and anxiety turning in my stomach. But I chose to walk, and as always, it worked it’s calming magic (sure there is a lot of science about why this helps but I prefer magic).