Day #50

The day was long and extremely hectic. I worked all day then taught a 4 hour class an hour-and-a-half away. I felt stressed about trying to get a walk in. In the midst of the day, I was texting with a friend and we were discussing self-nurture. How we live in a world with so many rules and with superegos yelling too many shoulds in our own heads.

I am an overachiever by nature. In 10 years, I’ve always had more than one job. I was the first in my family to graduate and the only one thus far to also complete a masters degree. I have a full time job and still make a point to take my daughter to dance class, help with every school party, and attend all parent-teacher conferences. I do not feel pride about these things, it just is me.

I am a multi-tasker by first nature. One of my biggest self-“projects” is to slow down and enjoy my life, to live presently without the to-do list running a marathon in my brain.

So I said to her, my friend:

“Absolutely … the way I think about things is not what is right or wrong but what brings me to my healthiest state emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. Because me being my healthiest puts me in the best place to flow with others. And it changes everyday for me … sometimes it’s choosing dinner with a friend, sometimes a bubble bath, other times I want to work so I don’t feel stressed about falling behind.”

And it dawned on me, gentle readers, that a walk every day is not serving me if it is constantly stressing me. Most days it is the healthy choice for me because it moves my body, clears my mind, grounds my soul. But on the days it is not, I will not allow myself to feel guilty or “less than” because of this blog.

But I will be authentic with you in this journey, and will learn to be real with myself in that process.

A headshot of Rachel Olienyk with brunette hear and wearing a pearl necklace.

Day #24

“You have to take an honest look at yourself. If you’re not okay with you then nothing will ever be enough. No girl, no amount of money, no job, no matter how far you run… your demons will chase you, your holes will consume you… and nothing will be enough to fill that void. You’ve got to look yourself in the face and do your own self work and decide you are okay with who you are, all by yourself. And when you have filled those holes, and wrestled those demons, and truly become the healthiest, most whole version of yourself– then everything becomes more than enough! Because it’s in addition to your wholeness rather than trying to make up your deficits. You can’t be truly happy until you are truly happy with you.” -Mrs. Meander

My advice to a very lost, very young soul today. And my advice to all hereafter…

As my Love and I walked the dogs this evening, I thought about my emotionally charged week so far. I thought about how I feel “a day late and a dollar short” these days. But I also thought about my present life and how I am the happiest I have ever been because I am the most authentic version of myself that I have ever allowed. And for today, I am me and that is enough.

Relaxing with a walking of Moses the yellow lab.