Day 116: Hold on Loosely, Time is Gonna Pass

Sunday was a rest day…time to breathe and time to be…time to clean house, do laundry, buy groceries for the week, get homework and grading done for my classes. My dad and step-mom were in so we met them for lunch. My mom got new puppies so we walked to her house to see them. They are so cute and so sweet! Then, of course, the little love came home so there was dinner and bedtime shows and books and conversations…

So after all this “resting”, I am ready to snuggle up next to my Love (I don’t think it will ever get old that I get to sleep with him every night!) and drift into the sweetest of dreams…

But this is what I’ve noticed lately, my dear readers, time never stops and life never slows down. Not because you want it to or need it to, and sure the hell not when you think it should. No matter what happens — divorce, loss of job, even death — life is the quiet marcher who continues on without fail. So it’s not so much time that we get to control, it’s our attitude toward it. Do we bemoan how it was spent? Do we fail to take advantage? Do we hold it loosely or tightly? Do we thrive or survive? I think we probably do it all in different seasons…but I ask you to ponder your relationship with time as I leave you for the dream world.

A brunette smiling in the warm glow of a bedside lamp.
Bed is Good!

Day #104: Some Days are Way Too Much

I am having an introverted day and even the thought of sharing my thoughts and feelings here feels like too much energy.

 
I ran another 5 miles today. Struggled through some, soared through a little. Mostly I hated the loud music in my ears but needed the tempo to keep me going. The lights in the gym were so bright and people were everywhere. It was taxing in more ways than one…

 
My little love came home from her dad’s house and said so many words in the first five minutes I thought I might completely lose it. But managed to successfully navigate her to bed without sticking socks in my ears… or her mouth

 
Another load of laundry… another dishwasher full of dishes… now to put away the laundry and take a shower…

 
Then into my blissfully dark and silent bed with my Love in his solid weight and warmth against me… and that will by far be my favorite part of this “way too much” day…

 
Good night my gentle readers…

Day #94: A Marathon of a Day

Today was a marathon of a day… pun intended…

Vibrant fruit in a mixer with milk in the bottom.We got up, ate breakfast, did a little housework, and headed to the gym…

Eight miles later… we came back home, showered, ate lunch, and left to pick up little love from play practice…

Blong girl in a blue sweater swinging and smiling, with a black and silver VW beetle in the background.We then met some friends at the park, played for a bit, and left to pick up my Love’s mother for dinner…

Next lap was a restaurant, lots of conversation, lots of trying to entertain the little one, and then we took “Ma” home…

Final stop was Walmart for the grocery basics of the week, then home, then the realization that we forgot dishwasher detergent, and so back to the Walgreens down the road…

Home again, PJs and bed time snacks, cuddled to a movie while I worked on homework and grading papers…

And we all fall down (or pass out)… it was a day filled with doing and being but honestly not much more thinking than the moment required… it was 26.2 miles kind of a day and I’m just glad to have survived it without injury…

Good night, sweet friends!

Mallards and white ducks swimming on a cloudy day with choppy water.

Day #50

The day was long and extremely hectic. I worked all day then taught a 4 hour class an hour-and-a-half away. I felt stressed about trying to get a walk in. In the midst of the day, I was texting with a friend and we were discussing self-nurture. How we live in a world with so many rules and with superegos yelling too many shoulds in our own heads.

I am an overachiever by nature. In 10 years, I’ve always had more than one job. I was the first in my family to graduate and the only one thus far to also complete a masters degree. I have a full time job and still make a point to take my daughter to dance class, help with every school party, and attend all parent-teacher conferences. I do not feel pride about these things, it just is me.

I am a multi-tasker by first nature. One of my biggest self-“projects” is to slow down and enjoy my life, to live presently without the to-do list running a marathon in my brain.

So I said to her, my friend:

“Absolutely … the way I think about things is not what is right or wrong but what brings me to my healthiest state emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. Because me being my healthiest puts me in the best place to flow with others. And it changes everyday for me … sometimes it’s choosing dinner with a friend, sometimes a bubble bath, other times I want to work so I don’t feel stressed about falling behind.”

And it dawned on me, gentle readers, that a walk every day is not serving me if it is constantly stressing me. Most days it is the healthy choice for me because it moves my body, clears my mind, grounds my soul. But on the days it is not, I will not allow myself to feel guilty or “less than” because of this blog.

But I will be authentic with you in this journey, and will learn to be real with myself in that process.

A headshot of Rachel Olienyk with brunette hear and wearing a pearl necklace.

Day #5

Today was busy.

The hustle and bustle of family and food. Macy’s Thanksgiving parade to watch. Pies to cook. Places to be. And oh the roles we play. Wife, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, aunt, mother, friend were just a few of mine today.

We talked and shared, laughed and cried. We ate and then ate more. We connected in superficial ways and meaningful ways, and all the ways in between. We drank wine and dissected ads and solved all the worlds problem. Family togetherness…fleeting but beautiful in all its bursts of color.

And then the Love and I came home. It was already dark and cold outside.

“I didn’t get to walk today,” I said.

“Well, let’s go.”

And we changed shoes, bundled up, and walked. Not long and not too far-but enough. The dark and quiet after such a full day was enormous in my head. The moon and the stars twinkled at me and the cold chill made my skin come alive. As I walked, I thought about a piece of advice recently shared with me.

She said:

“Imagine you are sitting on a bench holding balloons of all that labels what you are: mother, wife, friend, worker, etc. Now imagine letting go of each balloon until they are gone. What are you left with?”

Just me,” I had whispered then.

A couple's shadows cast upon the pavement.And “Just me” I whisper now. I look at our shadows, long in street lights. I see the most stark version of myself staring back at me. The version without color, accomplishments, superego, or beliefs. It’s just me. I am grateful to be at a place in my life where I can finally enjoy just me in just this moment.

Happy Thanksgiving, my gentle readers…