Day #134: The Race is On, but Sometimes One Must Stand Still

Today I ran five miles. It was extremely humid and I have not (for whatever reason) had my best runs this week…my heart is full of emotions about my present life and my mind is in overdrive with everything that has to be done (but more about that at a later date).

This slow, determined, measured run reminded me of my life right now. I am feeling overwhelmed which generally makes me feel less motivated…with every new bill, project, and responsibility that stacks up, I dig a little further back into myself. I guess this is where the introvert comes out in me…

I’m working hard to break down the huge into small steps…trying to take a few each day…but the race seems to be running in all directions and I stand paralyzed with indecision about which way to go…

The gun has sounded though…and so begins my slow, determined stride…hopefully in the right direction! 

Days 120-130: Spring Break and Big Decisions

It’s been a crazy mixed up world the last week or so…I went to my training and we endured a very anxious, very whiny six year old the whole time we were in Little Rock. Then we went to Magnolia to visit family for a few days…it was a roller coaster of a time due mostly to heavy decisions that needed to be made. We came back to Fort Smith and little love was off to her dad for a few days. I worked on papers and notes and cleaned her closet…and did other meaningless but entirely necessary tasks (i.e., the laundry). On Sunday, little love re-entered our world.

A run girl sleeping among a mountain of white blankets.

It was a tough day for me.

I had to tell her father that a decision had been made without him regarding his daughter. I have enough empathy in me that my heart is sad about this. Although he and I were not a good match for the long haul, I know he loves his daughter. It’s a terribly rough moment to look someone in the eye and say,”I’m taking the thing you love best…”

And here we stand in mid-step…seasons changing…confused order…beautiful chaos…

I am trying my hardest to flow and not control…I once had a friend describe these types of moments as a snow globe…it’s like being shaken and just watching all your life’s details float down around you…you hope they land well…and honestly, so far, they have…details are coming together…pleasant surprises have popped up…and love has been all around…

Purple pansies and tulips in a barrel with a watering can in the background.

It’s Sunday evening and as I walk into the house to share a meal with some of my most loved people, I notice my winter pansies dancing around my graceful spring tulips and I smile. Seasons are always changing and they are all beautiful…

 

We are moving and it’s all going to be okay.