Day #137: I See Hope All Around

Easter…holds so much hope for some…and for me as well…just differently…

Where some find hope in a man god who saved them…

I see hope all around in the certainty of life springing from the decay of winter…I see certainty in the promise of ordered seasons…I find comfort in the gentle life and death cycle all around that is the circle of life…

Nothing here needs saving…or defies laws…or is fantastical in story…it is simply doing what it does…

It’s birthing…
It’s blooming…
It’s growing…and alive…

I took a walk with little love and came across a small tree that bloomed completely white on one side and completely purple on the other…it reminded of the yin and yang of energy…and because my mind was already there…it reminded of death plays into life plays into death once more…and really, who gets to decide which is better?

They both serve a purpose and are necessary all across nature and science…
So today I celebrate life, too…the order of it…the purpose in it…and the beauty all around…
Maybe it is not as profound as my old Easters with a risen king and a golden heaven…
But I can see it and touch it and taste it…and that is all I need...

“Rabbit And Easter Eggs In Green Grass” by jannoon028 courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Day #136: Always Know How to Find Your Way Home

I left him, my ex-husband. And while on the by-and-large it has been an incredible and beautiful journey of finding myself the last few years, occasionally I mourn the simplicity of yonder days.

Holidays generally bring that out in me…especially the ones without her.

It’s Easter weekend; the holiday itself has changed for me as my perspective has changed in life. But still…I didn’t buy an Easter basket or die eggs or even get any candy this year…it feels weird. I’m not really sad or angry or hurt…it just feels off…

And so these are the quiet moments I observe the inherent difficulties of divorce with child…

But I think we all have these choices we have made…self-doubts…”what ifs”…that float around in our hearts and occasionally make it to our brains…to fester and pester our best versions of ourselves…

I ran mine off today while I ran around the track…ten miles later I was able to re-frame my “I feel sad to not share this day with her” to “I’m thankful for the many days I do share with her”…for a holiday is really just a day dressed up

I held my Mama’s hand today and told her to art it out as she worried over insecurities and unrealized dreams…

We all have the “demons” who love to come play…I think it is our obligation to our self to first know our true self and secondly know where to find yourself again…for me it’s often outside and active…for my mom it is often birthed on a canvas…

Whatever it takes, gentle readers, I urge you…be comfortable and familiar in your own soul and always know how to find your way home…

“House On The Lake” by Evgeni Dinev courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net