Day #69

I chose to be in-tune with myself today. I was proud because I often veto the small voice of reason and push on, despite. It’s a double-edge characteristic, I feel.

I have a theory that all people think, do, and feel. But when they are faced with a dilemma or a decision, they tend to do all three of these in the same repeated pattern. For instance, my Love is a thinker-feeler-doer. He needs to study it out, look at it from every perspective, research it again. Then he goes internal: how does he feel about this decision? What does his intuition say? Then he cross-analyzes and finally… does. Me, on the other hand, I’m a thinker, doer, then feeler, more often than not. It’s not that I suppress, I just forget to check in with myself. So if it’s logical and needs to be done, I make a decision and I do. It’s part of the reason I chose to write everyday. It forces me to reflect …

Anyway, I was proud that today I remembered (perhaps due to all the writing?). My calves were still hurting, I need new shoes, and my little love was missing her mama. So today was a rest day … a replenish the soul day … a snuggle my baby before she’s all grown day …

And it felt good …

A blonde, female child asleep on the couch with rosy cheeks and her arm draped behind her head.

Day #27

Today I again made no steps of my own, but I did observe many journeys of others.

The in-sync, out-of-sync rhythm of two young girls trying to figure out one of the biggest mysteries in life… how to get along.

The trudge of a down-trodden friend desperately searching for anything good in the universe and anything worthy in herself.

The march of a determined husband going to war with birdhouses (that he eventually won and did so brilliantly).

The tiptoe of the broken-hearted as she walked on eggshells with an ex-lover that is gone but not forgotten.

The dance of a lovely jazz singer with sparkles on her dress and a shine to her eyes as she bathed us in the sounds lovely Christmas carols.

I did a lot more sitting today than walking, but I sat with the journey and bore witness to others’ resilience. I was reminded today that the strong are beautiful in their weaknesses.

I was reminded today that we all have the choice to overcome or be overcome

A happy smiling woman holding a sleeping kitten.

Day #20

Today is Friday. This is the most profound thing I will say this post.

The weather was yucky again so I decided to hit the treadmill at the gym. Not my favorite, but desperate times and all…

I have a confession about the treadmill though. Secretly, I love it. I love setting the speed and knowing exactly how fast I’m going, how many calories burned, how many miles gone. I love the fan in my face. I love not having to watch where I am going. And my favorite… sticking the buds in my ears, cranking up the music, and zoning OUT!

In my head, I am grooving, singing, jamming out. On the outside, I am a respectable adult human.

I don’t think deep thoughts. I don’t worry. I don’t even plan my next move. I just breathe, sing at the top of brain, and smile. Sometimes–zoning out, taking a break, setting a pause–is the best thing you can do. Sometimes–thinking it through, feeling it deeply, talking it out–is not an option. And sometimes, you just need to have a liberating dance or cry or whatever sets you free… today I danced on a treadmill.

It’s a good day my fellow travelers..A POV image looking down at brightly-colored shoes walking on a treadmill.

Day #1

puppies in truck

As we walked with leashes in hand and dogs excitedly sniffing each new trail, I thought about present living. It seems to be everywhere right now for me. I’m reading a book about mindfulness in play therapy. I’ve had friends post about it on their Facebook pages. I keep running across quotes on Pinterest. Articles keep finding there way to me. I was at a conference this week where intentional living was the key note address.

This is a topic that enthralls me because I am by nature a doer. I love the experience, live for the next adventure, and enjoy trying anything new at least once. I’m one of the rare birds who actually enjoys change. I get bored easily and find it difficult to sit still. But in all that living, I often forget to weigh down those moments with my own presence. My brain is often on to the next thing before this experience is completed.

So, as I walked today, I tried to just “be.”

Instead of letting my mind organize the rest of the day or obsess over my 10-year-plan, I looked around and allowed my senses to do my thinking for me. It is late November, so the backdrop of all the world seems brown: dead trees, dead leaves on the ground, mud everywhere due to recent rain. The sky was overcast and the gray hung like a blanket tucking in all the brown. But it’s funny when you look … you notice. The shock of white mushrooms, the delicate purple berries, and the dancing green bushes in the breeze. The weather was mild and humid with just enough breeze to kiss the skin with coolness. The birds singing, my puppies panting, my sweet husband’s voice. All brought peace and joy to my heart.

The earth was grounding under my feet, the pressure of my husband’s hand holding mine was intimate and complete. And when I let my senses do the “thinking,” I let go and, for a while, truly lived.

In the past few past few years of my adult life, I have unlearned so much (another story for another day). At this point, about all I know for certain is that I’ll die one day. I’m not afraid of dying; I’ve made peace with it being inescapable; however, I want to live. Truly live. Every day.

So my challenge to myself is to walk every day for the next 365 days with the intent to be present. My hope is that quiet time with body moving surrounded by nature will produce insightful thoughts that lead to intentional living.

I suppose I will write these down … let’s see gentle reader, where life takes us ….