Day #78: Marriage, Love, and Abiding Joy

We drove and drove and drove today. We went from Arkansas to Santa Fe, New Mexico. We sang and danced. We played games. We jammed to music. We ate. We listened to TED Talks. We answered “love questions.” We talked about everything and nothing. We sat quietly holding hands.

We laughed and we loved and we never once grew tired of each other. The thing is… we never do.

And twelve hours later, I was in New Mexico getting ready to embark on a new adventure with my best friend. And I couldn’t be happier…

Day #14

An image of a 25 mph speed-limit sign in a residental area on a cloudy day.Time is such a strange concept to me.

And finding its balance seems almost mystical to me most days. If you push too fast you often cause wrecks. Go too slow and you can miss the point of existence. It’s finding the pace that flows with, not against, this strange stream of life. So much of that is intuition oriented.

Most of us have so many voices in our ear that it’s difficult to hear our own. I encourage you today, gentle reader, as you walk, think inwardly…

What choices will create a healthier me? What do I need to do to be authentically happy? How do I practice contentment in my present while walking with intent toward my future? If no one else was around, what would I be doing with my life right now?

I’m not saying these should be impulsively acted on today, but I would consider who you are beneath the schedule, the roles, the peer pressure, and the “rules.” When you peel all that away and are left staring at your own reflection, can you live with that person? Probably.

Are you in love with that person?

I walked today in neighborhoods and dreamed possible dreams. I noticed things like speed signs and windmills, and how the world responds to changing seasons in its own time. As I walked, I hoped mightily for the wisdom of the flow and the grace to dance in this life- river.windmill

Day #10

An inflatible Christmas decoration which says the word Joy.Some days are fantastic–like birthdays and Christmas, vacation days and Saturdays, and then every once in while a fantastical day just sneaks up on you.

Today was one of those days:

  • Plans changed for the better, twice.
  • It was double-punch Tuesday so I got my coffee for free.
  • Lunch with my Love.
  • Appointments cancelled, which gave me free time to get caught up on paperwork.

… home cooked dinner, silly shows, a happy girl who went to bed without a fuss…

Yes, some days it just all seems to come together. It’s like the universe hands you a gift…

As we walked this evening, I thought cheerfully about the warmth of the day. But I also noticed an unconscious thought lurking in the corner of my mind–a small doubt and reservation about good days–and how even at the highest of highs it’s like we are waiting for it to vanish at best, trample us at worst. It makes it hard to really enjoy life when paranoia sets in.

“I’m eating healthy and clean.” But I’ll probably still die of some disease.

“I made some extra money.” But something will probably break down soon.

“He is such a gentleman.” But once he knows me it probably won’t last.

We generally set everything up to fail. We forget to ride the high, enjoy the joy, celebrate the happiness. It’s like we’re afraid that by wallowing in it we invite it to be taken away.

A yard filled with inflatible Christmas decorationsWe walked down a street and made it to the most crowded, silliest, over-the-top Christmas decorated yard I have ever seen. Front to back with blow-up decorations, lights, signs, and toys. And I thought, “This is what it looks like to hoard joy.” People don’t understand it; it costs too much, it’s potentially dangerous, it even seems a little crazy. The longer I stood there mesmerized by each Santa and snowman, reindeer and elf, the larger my smile grew. Joy abandon looks ridiculous, I think, because it embraces the good without tempering it with doubt.

I have no idea what will happen tomorrow or five years down the road, but I know my joy in today and today I’m hoarding joy.