Day #93: Being Fully Human is a Little Terrifying

We went to a movie tonight. It was an action packed, classic good guy vs bad guy kind of flick. I’ve always loved this type of movie… it appeals to my heart. Everything is so cut and dry, black and white… sure of itself. The good guys always manage to outwit, out fight, and eventually conquer the bad guys…

If only life were so simple.

As I ran today, I thought about this very concept. How does one define a “good” run? In lack of pain? In minutes per mile? In perfect form? I just don’t know

And I think good and bad lie somewhere in that thought as well… we are capable of unhealthy decisions, hurtful words, physical aggression given the right circumstances… and we all rise to the challenge in other moments with a helping hand, a simple encouragement, the beauty of forgiveness undeserved…

The older I get the more I realize the impossibility of perfection, of the dazzling superhero and the absence of the obvious villain…

We are all fully human and that biological break down can take us to really ugly places, only to be redeemed by a breathtaking reminder of becoming all we hoped we could be. And while its messier, more uncertain, and definitely a hell of a lot scarier knowing you possess both the qualities of the villain and the hero… it also makes life a whole lot more vibrant… the journey more satisfying… the transformation more powerful.

For whatever you do, gentle reader, choose well.

Day #27

Today I again made no steps of my own, but I did observe many journeys of others.

The in-sync, out-of-sync rhythm of two young girls trying to figure out one of the biggest mysteries in life… how to get along.

The trudge of a down-trodden friend desperately searching for anything good in the universe and anything worthy in herself.

The march of a determined husband going to war with birdhouses (that he eventually won and did so brilliantly).

The tiptoe of the broken-hearted as she walked on eggshells with an ex-lover that is gone but not forgotten.

The dance of a lovely jazz singer with sparkles on her dress and a shine to her eyes as she bathed us in the sounds lovely Christmas carols.

I did a lot more sitting today than walking, but I sat with the journey and bore witness to others’ resilience. I was reminded today that the strong are beautiful in their weaknesses.

I was reminded today that we all have the choice to overcome or be overcome

A happy smiling woman holding a sleeping kitten.

Day #13

“There sure are a lot of crusty people out tonight.”

We’re at Walmart walking and buying goodies for Adalie’s Grinchmas Party tomorrow. I’m counting this as my walk because it was again wet and cold today (you would think I live in Seattle!) and we were there forever!

My Love made the previous observation and I giggled. “Crusty people” just seems funny.

We sit in a restaurant (I refuse to tell you which one because I’m ashamed to admit it was fast food!) after Walmart and watch the news. We don’t have cable so we rarely get to see news live. They were showing the protests in NYC over Mr. Garner who was killed by the police. The protesters looked so strong and unified. It was really beautiful to watch.
I sat back in admiration at brave people who do things.

I teared up a little watching. Selfless people just seems moving.

An acquaintance messages me out of the blue and wants to come to our Grinchmas Party tomorrow. I’m excited because there will be some new faces and graces at my house (I love making friends!), but I feel nervous, too, because well…they’re new people. What if they judge my house, my party, my family? I want them to like me!

Friendly people make me nervous. And I laugh out loud at my juvenile ways and shake my head. But I still clean my house like my life depends on it… because “new friends” just seems awesome.

As I walked and people-watched and observed my own reactions today… I think my most profound thought…”people are just people.” We see snapshots of the “I’m off work and refuse to wear make up” run to Walmart. Or the specific cause for which they choose to lie down, or the friendly smile, or party hat. We see pieces of people, known and unknown, all the time.

And our brain tries to connect dots like someone is a puzzle who can be easily squared. But no one is that simple or that put together and we are all… just people. A colorful collage of the familiy with the vibrant word love centered in the middle.