Day #95: Safety, Love, and Contentment

After a grueling week of training, I was thrilled to finally get a “rest day.” It was also the much anticipated trip to Tulsa to watch the Sleeping Beauty Ballet.

It was quite the experience to get to our seats… having had a late breakfast we mostly snacked on the way there… this proved to be a grave error as little love got car sick in a potato chip bag just minutes after changing into her beautiful dress… she did so well though…we walked in the foyer, threw the bag away, and went straight to the bathroom to wash her hands and face. She never cried or really even whined… I called her my trooper the rest of the night. She was proud of herself.

As the ballet started and progressed, I felt the tears as always… first in my throat, then teasing my eyes. It seems as if any time I watch art… become… I have this reaction: at ballets, plays, and symphonies, to name a few. Because first of all it is truly like creativity breathing and there is something so magical about being in that moment with an artist.

Secondly, I can never NOT think about all the hours and work that has gone into giving me this experience and I am always overwhelming grateful. The artist picked up the brush and started with one unsure stroke, the dancer with warm ups and blisters and hope, the musician who has practiced every day for the last several decades. There is a nobility in fine tuning one’s craft but there is a joy in watching their art come alive on stage.

It made me appreciate the marathon training more. Made me feel confident that I could endure four months of training to create the finish line moment. My art in the making!

P.S. My favorite moment of the evening was little trooper sitting on my lap with her head leaned up against mine and feeling the pressure of my Love leaning against her on the other side. It dawned on me that she will not remember the details of this show or even possibly forget her unfortunate meeting with chip bag, but she will hold this moment of feeling completely safe, loved, and content in her heart.

And that is all a mama ever really wants…

A mom and daughter with heads together smiling down at the camera. adalie-dave-and-busters adalie-and-craig-at-dave-and-bustersBearded man with short hair and brunette woman with heads together smiling.

Day #87: Valentine’s Day and Living with Passion

Valentine’s Day… a day for romance and love… sweetness and hearts… passion…

And running. Today was our first long run (to me) at 8 miles. We had our little love this weekend so we asked Mimi to keep her while we ran (it was an awesome date, lol). We took off and about two miles in I was wiped out… thanks to different trails and gear… my passion for running was at its lowest and if I had been alone in the run I would have walked away for the day. But I wasn’t, so I didn’t. I trudged through… and as with most things… the endurance paid off and I picked up a second wind… I ended the 8 miles running although I could not run it all… it was a start… and it felt good to finish what I started… to taste the victory.

I thought about this as I ran… I thought on passion and how passion demands you to be all in… no sitting on fences, no pretending to be unbiased. I realized that I often fear becoming too passionate about anything or anyone because that requires me to become vested in how things turn out. On the one hand, I like this about me. In my job, it becomes important to give space for people to do their own work. If a counselor becomes too enmeshed it becomes difficult and often unethical. However, in my personal life, I find this is also a trend. If I don’t care too much, it won’t hurt if I fail, if the friendship fails, if the plans fall through.

The problem becomes that living without passion about anything means also living without profound joy, the taste of victory, the pounding heart of pride, the hot passion surging through your bones. So maybe I save myself a degree of pain, soreness, and possible defeat, but I also never know the sweetness of eight miles done and the lightness of victory at hand.

I hope through this journey that 2015 becomes my year to learn the impractical necessity of living passionately.

Bearded man in black hat, sitting on couch with his arm around blonde girl, wathching television.

Day #19

Faces glow with health and wealth
Of love returned mightily,

Linked arms support each other in grace and awkward equally,

Voices dance together in passion and mirth harmoniously,

Feet step together, a concrete picture of abstract melding lovingly,

Hearts beat as one, knowing how to love and be loved blissfully,

I walked with my Love today, and it took my breath away, endlessly.