Day 112: Feeling at Home in a Fleeting Moment

After another day of cross training while my little love was at play practice, we came home to BBQ chicken and sweet potato fries. It was a beautiful day… the first truly spring-like day this year. While eating outside at our little table on the porch, I thought of all the meals we have eaten out there in spring and summer the last couple of years. Some with a glass of wine, some with little bit pretending to be a horse, some with the company of friends, but always with contentment in my heart. That feeling of “this is right, this is home.”

Then little love asks to go for a walk so she can ride her scooter. So off we go and again, I reflect on this time last year and how she could barely operate the scooter last summer.

But some things do change with time. As I watched her charge down the road, half a block ahead of me the whole time, I thought about the saying regarding motherhood that the day’s seem to stand still but the years fly by. Here we are… another year… another spring… another moment to love.

Blonde girl with pink shirt and black pants riding her scooter off into the distance.

Day #54

I ran 3 miles and I dreamed.

I dreamed of skiing down the mountain. I dreamed of wind in my hair. I felt the cold on my cheeks and the tightness of the boots on my feet. I moved back and forth across the mountain in my mind, eyes full of trees and snow and beauty all around. Today, I flew as I skimmed down a mountain to the vast openness of adventure.

It made the run worth it … the dreaming.

Sometimes I get frustrated with my self for being such a dreamer. It makes staying content in the present difficult at times. But let’s be honest, sometimes the present sucks.

My ability to dream keeps me optimistic. Gives me hope in life, joy in mundane. It also helps me to see outside the box of now. Gives me creativity license to freehand my life and often times my life follows. So as silly as it seems in my head at times … it has been my salvation on more than one occasion …

…like running three miles on a treadmill.

Day #31

Tonight, as I walked in place of Mrs. Meander I decided to try to walk without instigating any thoughts, but merely observe the thoughts that my brain produced and let seep into conscious awareness.

I was astounded at the sheer bulk of random thought processes that continually stream forth from the recesses of the sub-conscious. On a dark and relatively stimuli-free walk, my brain produced thought processes including, but not limited to: relationships, travel, marriage, pain, loss, camping, building, racism, Michael Brown, excess, lack, childhood memories, decisions, money, exercise, and politics. And so it went, and so it goes.

As soon as I became aware of a thought process and dismissed it, resolving to walk with nothing but my sensory experience… well, the next thing I knew I had just spent several moments “thinking” about something else completely irrelevant to this present moment.

It caused me to pause and ponder, “How much of what we react to, what we think we really “think” about is actually just us noticing our subconscious processing a mire of previous thoughts and inputs? Are we really thinking original thoughts when we say things like, “Well I think…”? OR are we simply allowing our brains to regurgitate a conglomeration of past outside voices that we mistake for our own?

I have a challenge for myself and for you, wonderful reader: As you go about your day, notice yourself “thinking,” and perhaps ponder the content of those thoughts. Were they relevant to your immediate situation? Did they bring happiness? Did the instigate anxiety?

Could it be that the journey to mindful living is paved with an awareness that our passing “thoughts” are actually making us, and not the other way around? Perhaps catching brains in the act of thinking could be the ticket to a more peaceful existence.

Happy thinking, my fellow travelers…