Day #95: Safety, Love, and Contentment

After a grueling week of training, I was thrilled to finally get a “rest day.” It was also the much anticipated trip to Tulsa to watch the Sleeping Beauty Ballet.

It was quite the experience to get to our seats… having had a late breakfast we mostly snacked on the way there… this proved to be a grave error as little love got car sick in a potato chip bag just minutes after changing into her beautiful dress… she did so well though…we walked in the foyer, threw the bag away, and went straight to the bathroom to wash her hands and face. She never cried or really even whined… I called her my trooper the rest of the night. She was proud of herself.

As the ballet started and progressed, I felt the tears as always… first in my throat, then teasing my eyes. It seems as if any time I watch art… become… I have this reaction: at ballets, plays, and symphonies, to name a few. Because first of all it is truly like creativity breathing and there is something so magical about being in that moment with an artist.

Secondly, I can never NOT think about all the hours and work that has gone into giving me this experience and I am always overwhelming grateful. The artist picked up the brush and started with one unsure stroke, the dancer with warm ups and blisters and hope, the musician who has practiced every day for the last several decades. There is a nobility in fine tuning one’s craft but there is a joy in watching their art come alive on stage.

It made me appreciate the marathon training more. Made me feel confident that I could endure four months of training to create the finish line moment. My art in the making!

P.S. My favorite moment of the evening was little trooper sitting on my lap with her head leaned up against mine and feeling the pressure of my Love leaning against her on the other side. It dawned on me that she will not remember the details of this show or even possibly forget her unfortunate meeting with chip bag, but she will hold this moment of feeling completely safe, loved, and content in her heart.

And that is all a mama ever really wants…

A mom and daughter with heads together smiling down at the camera. adalie-dave-and-busters adalie-and-craig-at-dave-and-bustersBearded man with short hair and brunette woman with heads together smiling.

Day #12

Maybe it was the dreary weather for the third day in a row. Or maybe the lack of energy in my bones.

But today just seemed dark from the beginning.

Now I’m not a person who spends much thought or emotion on the darker side of things. I’m a glass half full kinda girl. I avoid scary places, movies, and books. I love parties and romance and magical thinking (such as fairies have to be real somewhere!).

But today I heard stories of manipulations so vast they steal souls, and saw hints of abuse haunting a little girls eyes. I witnessed a shell of a man who’s only wish is family. And I walked at dusk…

My mindset while walking was grim. I was alone and it was getting dark. I was a little nervous because I was at a public park. I was pissed that as a woman I felt the need to look over my shoulder to make sure I was safe. I kept my phone close and my keys closer. Some days no matter how hard I try to sugarcoat it, it’s just a shitty world at there.

But I walked anyway and the path led me around and back to my car and safety again. I never stopped walking and I never let the fear drive me to madness. And I never once thought about quitting.

I realized as I sat in my warm, safe, happy-music-car…

that this was much like life…

We go out into a scary world, bump into terrifying truths, and occasionally are ripped to shreds by horrific events, but the path continues and its our choice to lay down and die or to keep walking, even trudging, to a place of safety.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have a lovely home with food and warmth and laughter and family. No matter what darkness comes–I have a safe, soft place to land.

But not all are so lucky, gentle readers–maybe not even you. And so, I plead that we tread lightly with one another. Because your walk in the park might be another someone’s darkest trails…A gravel path vanishing into a spooky dusk background, with barren grass all around.