Day 143 – Addicted to Intrinsic Reward

Today I sat ALL day and typed a home study for a contract job I do. My head hurt most of the day, I ate too much Easter candy while I was absently typing away and I occasionally stopped to make food for me and my Love who was outside all day working on his own project. I finally finished about dinner time. And while it was quite the epic struggle to get all done the sense of relief about having it done was equally satisfying. This is insanely true of me and my addiction to intrinsic reward.

Anyway, my body felt gross from being so inactive all day…I decided to go with my Love to set up the raised garden beds he had been building all day for someone else. It was almost dark when we got there so I told him to start leveling and I would carry all the bags of soil and compost into their backyard. Around 15 bags of 40lbs each…one bag at a time…up the small hill…onto the sidewalk…through the gate…and back again…Because I had been so still all day in front of the computer, I found myself genuinely enjoying the strain of my muscles, the sweat on my brow, the grit of my teeth…I noticed all these sensations of my body and I was thankful to be able-bodied…thankful for this body that I so often complain about but so rarely fails me…and tonight for once I just embraced my body, my muscles, my rolls, and even the cellulite for all that it can do instead of criticizing everything it’s not…

And afterwards, we went to Sonic and enjoyed a delicious root beer float…

Day #141: A Love Poem

His strength secures me,
His sexiness thrills me,
His intelligence stimulates me,
His love overwhelms me,
But it is his gentleness that sustains me.
It is like a hand at the small of the back–quiet, unassuming, but always supporting.
I love the gentle kindness that illuminates crystal blue eyes,
That hugs away the stress,
That seeks to share, and at times, shoulder my burden for me.
I love the way he gently uses words
To teach,
To soothe,
To exalt.
But never to harm.
There is so very, very much to love about him.
But it is his gentleness that anchors this heart to him.
Any my heart is his forever…

Day #84: Grumpy

Three miles after six days off from running. I’m easing back in…

However, my energy has been very low this week. Mostly due to lovely lady problems.

Therefore, due to irritably and emotionalism… this is all you get today.

You don’t even get a picture because I said so.

Grumpy face!

Day #11

I love finding grace in unexpected places. Not a self-imposed deity kind of abstract grace; but rather, a tangible human-hand kind of grace.

The sincere “It’s okay, Mama,” when I goof.

The generous back rub after a stressful day.

The enthusiasm over a simple breakfast for supper.

Unshaven legs.

Forgotten appointments.

Mismanaged time.

Pimpled faces.

Extended dead lines.

I saw broken grace from broken humans all around me. The tears of understanding. The statement of forgiveness. The heart that continues to love, despite hurt.

I saw it all today, gentle readers. And now I request your grace… for I did not walk today. I chose instead to advocate for two young clients, to mindfully connect with my Love, to dine with the princess.

An orange sunset set agains the snow-scattered Tetons, overlooking Jackson Lake.It was cold and rainy and dark all day… I’m extending grace to the sky… resting in the beauty of the pause… for tomorrow is a new day.