Day #83: Tearful Reunions and Exquisite Exhaustion

We made it home… and through the day… and for the day after coming back from vacation, that’s pretty good.

I went and had lunch with my little love because I hadn’t seen her in five days and I couldn’t wait one more minute. She didn’t know I was coming… when she walked in the cafeteria and saw me sitting there, her face lit up and her arms reached out for me before she even realized what she was doing. The pureness of wanting me was so sweet on her face that it choked me up a little. She came over to me and kept looking away… refusing to say anything initially… I thought maybe she was mad because she’s not a kid that particularly loves surprises. But as I looked closer, I saw the un-shed tears in her eyes. After getting a hold of herself, she turned around and the talking began 🙂 After not seeing me for five days, she had a lot to discuss with me.

But her prolonged pause reminded me of how I felt this day. Not really ready to jump in, not sure about how I feel, and maybe a little tearful. It was in this state of exhaustion and confusion I was able to pass out at 9:15 without a thought to anything else except the beauty of a little girl safely tucked in her bed, a pair of arms holding me tight, and my own marvelous bed.

Day #79: Skiing, Flying, and the Freedom of Being

I wish I knew how to describe the feeling of skiing. It’s one of my favorites in the world. And we picked a beautiful day to do so in the gorgeous Santa Fe…

We did the smaller lift first to get our feet under us since its been about a year since our last ski experience…

I felt like my face would break from the grin plastered there. It’s the smooth motion of my body in-tune with the ground. The connection of energy as I glide back and forth over this mountain. It’s the contrast of the dark trees and the glistening white everywhere. It’s the warmth of the sun and the cool of the wind. It’s the speed of flying and the power of control. It’s the plunge of going over the side and the views of literally feeling like you are king (or queen) of the world.

And then it’s so much more…

I wish I was so much more precise and articulate… I wish I knew how to metaphorically strap you to a pair of skis and take you down the mountain…

But since I’m not I guess you will have to do it yourself…

Driving down a steep grade with snow on one side and dry brush on the other.
Ascending the mountain at Ski Santa Fe.
Two shiny forks picking at German chocolate cake.
Battling over the last bits of gluten-free, German chocolate cake.

 

Day #76: Time, Changes, and New Perceptions

We ran our 3.75 miles today outside because the weather was in our favor. The sun was out and the wind felt good the more sweat-soaked I became. As I ran, I thought about how when we first started running, our goal was a 5K… 3.10 miles… and it felt like SO much. Now we are cranking out 3 miles all the time but they seem so small compared to the 13.1 half-marathon we plan to run in May. It’s funny how time changes perspective…

I thought of this again as I sat cuddling my girl before bed. Tomorrow she will go to her dad’s house because I have class and then we are taking a weekend trip to go skiing. Five days without her voice, her humor, her literal brain, and her beautiful smile. It makes me sad now, but by six years old, we understand we can live without each other for a week. When she was a baby, it would have devastated us both… it’s such a trick that time plays with us…

But still, I sat there soaking in the cuddles and thinking about what six more years might do to our perceptions of who we are as individuals and as mother/daughter. Who knows really? But for today with tears threatening to spill at the thought of who we have been and who we will be, I squeeze every ounce of joy out of who we are today.

Mand women smiling wide, soaked in sweat and flush from running.

Day #75 – Traveling, Mental Clarity and Feeling Nervous-cited!

Today is Monday. It’s a short week for us because we are going on vacation Thursday!
I love to anticipate…the nervous excitement of looking forward to an experience…the flurry of activity as one prepares…but mostly the promise of a good time that floats on just outside of the routine-ness of the day.

For the first time ever I felt this way about running today. As I sat through sessions and meetings and paperwork, my body itched in anticipation of the run we were planning that afternoon. We had our rest day yesterday so I guess that gave my body and mind time to long for the exertion and mental clarity I always seem to achieve after a run.

Traveling does much the same thing for my soul. There are elements of it that are fatiguing: the planning, the driving, and figuring out where we can eat (due to allergies). But any headache is well worth the clarity of perception. I love seeing other people live, to be reminded that there is no “right or wrong” way to be, but all kind of ways of being. And the tapestry of that experience is colorful and intricate. But whereas I found beauty in our differences, I find comfort in our sameness. I never travel without being reminded of the connective-ness of everyone. While I am one small fish in the ocean, I am a part of the larger ecosystem of the thriving cosmos.

So yes, anticipation which can feel some like anxiety, much like excitement, being wrapped in impatience with a bow of nervousness.

It’s one of my favorite feelings because it means something wonderful is about to happen!

A man's shadow cast against a wall at a fitness center.