Day 143 – Addicted to Intrinsic Reward

Today I sat ALL day and typed a home study for a contract job I do. My head hurt most of the day, I ate too much Easter candy while I was absently typing away and I occasionally stopped to make food for me and my Love who was outside all day working on his own project. I finally finished about dinner time. And while it was quite the epic struggle to get all done the sense of relief about having it done was equally satisfying. This is insanely true of me and my addiction to intrinsic reward.

Anyway, my body felt gross from being so inactive all day…I decided to go with my Love to set up the raised garden beds he had been building all day for someone else. It was almost dark when we got there so I told him to start leveling and I would carry all the bags of soil and compost into their backyard. Around 15 bags of 40lbs each…one bag at a time…up the small hill…onto the sidewalk…through the gate…and back again…Because I had been so still all day in front of the computer, I found myself genuinely enjoying the strain of my muscles, the sweat on my brow, the grit of my teeth…I noticed all these sensations of my body and I was thankful to be able-bodied…thankful for this body that I so often complain about but so rarely fails me…and tonight for once I just embraced my body, my muscles, my rolls, and even the cellulite for all that it can do instead of criticizing everything it’s not…

And afterwards, we went to Sonic and enjoyed a delicious root beer float…

Day #132: Sometimes You Run Outta Gas

My body is so tired and I am tired of being tired…

It’s been a marathon kinda day…worked twelve hours and most of it involved talking…I am out of words, out of internal resources…even out of pictures…

I’m getting ready, once my little love is snug as a bug in a rug, to cuddle in my warm bed with my soft pjs. Good book in hand, hot tea in the other, I will salvage what little personal time is left in this day and then I plan to pass out…

Good night, my gentle readers

Day #103: “Oh, The Places You Will Go!”

I feel unsure about life right now. There are choices to be made, things to be accomplished, lessons I am learning. Today I ended up running staffing because my boss couldn’t be there, another therapist is gone, and suddenly I am up to bat.

 

I did my third video for my supervision class which is a whole new role for me. I am loving the opportunity to work closer with other therapist but it’s a lot of information to take in and then I have to go back before the Board of Counselors which is nerve wrecking.

 

I ran three miles today instead of the six the training program scheduled and then bicycled four more miles because I’m learning the importance of cross training.

 

Today I see concrete proof that I am choosing to continue to evolve as a person. That sits well with me. I see how far I have to go and how much I don’t know, but I can also evaluate where I am and honestly say, “Look how I’ve grown.

 

This makes me happy because if all I get is this one short life, I want to squeeze every last bit of living out of it. And for me that means being ready for any new me in any new experience…

 

In honor of Dr Seuss’s birthday week… I will put it this way…

 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

 

From Oh! The Places You Will Go

 Blonde girl with mouth wide open singing.

Day #70

Have you ever tried to fit a round peg in a square hole? That’s what today felt like …

A new Brooks running shoe, with bright pink and purple colors.After a rest-day yesterday to let my legs heal, my body has been restless to run all day. I did get some new shoes, though, and that is exciting!

I forgot to email my class presentation to myself yesterday, so I was frantically trying to multitask this morning.

I had a session with a pretty uncooperative 5 year old and then went to a group session that consisted of a lot of whining because I made them think

I tore my pantyhose at work and didn’t have time to change them before I had to teach tonight.

I forgot to get my debit card back at dinner and I had to go back to get it which made me almost late for class.

You know, one of those kind of days …

Side view of man in sunglasses driving in a vehicle, wearing a plaid shirt.

But I took a few minutes at lunch to hold hands with my Love and let the sun light my face … and I stopped in awe of the sunset for several moments. I am thankful for the earth today–the way it just is when nothing else falls into place. It’s like the Mother that catches me, dust me off, and sends me on my way… a more grounded and balanced soul.

A pink and purple sunset sky.