Day 144 – When I Run Alone, I Prefer to be By Myself

Today I had a revelation: it’s only when I’m alone that I can focus on me. As I ran twelve miles today, I thought about why I prefer to run alone. My Love is always there but usually way ahead of me and I prefer it that way…

Today I realized why…I am a natural empathizer…I feel this makes me a solid friend, a good mom, and a caring wife…but not so good at being in tune with myself…

If anyone else is around, I immediately tune in to them instead. For the most part this is all good for me. However, when I am struggling emotionally or physically, I tend to want to be alone, although others want to support me and I love them for that. I find that in alone is the only place I can truly find me without being influenced.

Maybe I am a bit of an introvert after all…mind blown 🙂

Day #12

Maybe it was the dreary weather for the third day in a row. Or maybe the lack of energy in my bones.

But today just seemed dark from the beginning.

Now I’m not a person who spends much thought or emotion on the darker side of things. I’m a glass half full kinda girl. I avoid scary places, movies, and books. I love parties and romance and magical thinking (such as fairies have to be real somewhere!).

But today I heard stories of manipulations so vast they steal souls, and saw hints of abuse haunting a little girls eyes. I witnessed a shell of a man who’s only wish is family. And I walked at dusk…

My mindset while walking was grim. I was alone and it was getting dark. I was a little nervous because I was at a public park. I was pissed that as a woman I felt the need to look over my shoulder to make sure I was safe. I kept my phone close and my keys closer. Some days no matter how hard I try to sugarcoat it, it’s just a shitty world at there.

But I walked anyway and the path led me around and back to my car and safety again. I never stopped walking and I never let the fear drive me to madness. And I never once thought about quitting.

I realized as I sat in my warm, safe, happy-music-car…

that this was much like life…

We go out into a scary world, bump into terrifying truths, and occasionally are ripped to shreds by horrific events, but the path continues and its our choice to lay down and die or to keep walking, even trudging, to a place of safety.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have a lovely home with food and warmth and laughter and family. No matter what darkness comes–I have a safe, soft place to land.

But not all are so lucky, gentle readers–maybe not even you. And so, I plead that we tread lightly with one another. Because your walk in the park might be another someone’s darkest trails…A gravel path vanishing into a spooky dusk background, with barren grass all around.