Day #69

I chose to be in-tune with myself today. I was proud because I often veto the small voice of reason and push on, despite. It’s a double-edge characteristic, I feel.

I have a theory that all people think, do, and feel. But when they are faced with a dilemma or a decision, they tend to do all three of these in the same repeated pattern. For instance, my Love is a thinker-feeler-doer. He needs to study it out, look at it from every perspective, research it again. Then he goes internal: how does he feel about this decision? What does his intuition say? Then he cross-analyzes and finally… does. Me, on the other hand, I’m a thinker, doer, then feeler, more often than not. It’s not that I suppress, I just forget to check in with myself. So if it’s logical and needs to be done, I make a decision and I do. It’s part of the reason I chose to write everyday. It forces me to reflect …

Anyway, I was proud that today I remembered (perhaps due to all the writing?). My calves were still hurting, I need new shoes, and my little love was missing her mama. So today was a rest day … a replenish the soul day … a snuggle my baby before she’s all grown day …

And it felt good …

A blonde, female child asleep on the couch with rosy cheeks and her arm draped behind her head.

Day #31

Tonight, as I walked in place of Mrs. Meander I decided to try to walk without instigating any thoughts, but merely observe the thoughts that my brain produced and let seep into conscious awareness.

I was astounded at the sheer bulk of random thought processes that continually stream forth from the recesses of the sub-conscious. On a dark and relatively stimuli-free walk, my brain produced thought processes including, but not limited to: relationships, travel, marriage, pain, loss, camping, building, racism, Michael Brown, excess, lack, childhood memories, decisions, money, exercise, and politics. And so it went, and so it goes.

As soon as I became aware of a thought process and dismissed it, resolving to walk with nothing but my sensory experience… well, the next thing I knew I had just spent several moments “thinking” about something else completely irrelevant to this present moment.

It caused me to pause and ponder, “How much of what we react to, what we think we really “think” about is actually just us noticing our subconscious processing a mire of previous thoughts and inputs? Are we really thinking original thoughts when we say things like, “Well I think…”? OR are we simply allowing our brains to regurgitate a conglomeration of past outside voices that we mistake for our own?

I have a challenge for myself and for you, wonderful reader: As you go about your day, notice yourself “thinking,” and perhaps ponder the content of those thoughts. Were they relevant to your immediate situation? Did they bring happiness? Did the instigate anxiety?

Could it be that the journey to mindful living is paved with an awareness that our passing “thoughts” are actually making us, and not the other way around? Perhaps catching brains in the act of thinking could be the ticket to a more peaceful existence.

Happy thinking, my fellow travelers…